You Are Not the Problem: Understanding Self as Context for Social Anxiety Recovery
Introduction: The Quest for Self-Understanding
I have always been fascinated by this question:
Who am I? Who are we?
How do we even begin to define that, and is defining it even possible?
When everything we think we are, the anxious one, the therapist, the achiever, the partner, the one trying to get it right, begins to quiet for a moment, something else emerges.
What is left?
Who is the one noticing all of that?
For therapists, it is a question we often invite others to explore and rarely pause to experience ourselves. And it is in this awareness, the sense of self that can notice experiences without judgment, that the heart of healing begins.
Meet Dr. Matt Bedell and Belonging Matters
I am Dr. Matt Bedell, a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor based in Allen, Texas.
Belonging Matters is where we explore how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) provides a compassionate and practical framework for recovery from social anxiety through psychological flexibility and belonging.
Understanding Self as Context in ACT
In ACT, the ability to notice your own internal experiences is called Self as Context. You may hear other names for it, such as:
the Observing Self
the Transcendent Self
the Self Pivot
They all point to the same experience:
the part of us that notices thoughts and emotions as passing events rather than becoming defined by them.
This distinction matters.
I use the term Self as Context because it carries four meaningful layers:
The Self
Acting
As
Content, all within the contexts of life
These separations matter. They create space between who we are and what we experience.
And this concept is hard because it requires psychological flexibility to understand deeply, especially for those living with social anxiety or shame. Often we begin relating to ourselves as if we are the content: the behavior, the belief, the emotion, the role, or the story.
In ACT, this is called Self as Content. It happens when identity fuses with the narrative:
“I am the problem.”
“I am failing.”
“It is me personally.”
This is when identity gets wrapped into thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Self as Context is what helps us take a step back and see the whole story without being consumed by it.
The Backpack Analogy: Differentiating Self from Content
Imagine that you are wearing a backpack.
Inside this backpack are all the contents of your life:
beliefs you have formed such as “I am the problem” or “I am intelligent”
harsh thoughts and encouraging thoughts
emotions like fear, joy, excitement, and shame
sensations like tightness in the chest or butterflies in the stomach
behaviors and choices you make
your values and the things you care about
All of this is content.
And you are the one carrying the backpack.
You are Self as Context, walking through life.
As you enter each moment, you reach into the backpack and pull out content to respond to the context in front of you.
Sometimes what you pull out is helpful.
Sometimes it is a belief or fear that weighs you down.
The key is remembering:
You are not the backpack. You are the one carrying it.
This is the freedom of Self as Context.
You can hold your experiences and you do not have to become them.
Therapist Insights: Applying Self as Context
I want to speak to therapists for a moment.
If you are not a therapist, stay with me and notice where this resonates in your life.
Think about a client you have worked with, or think about a moment when you were caught in a thought loop. You knew the thought was irrational, and it still felt true.
Maybe you tried cognitive restructuring, mindfulness, or exposure work, and something deeper still felt missing.
Often, the missing piece is this perspective shift:
the ability to see the story instead of being the story, the ability to be the author instead of the actor.
When clients contact Self as Context, they begin to realize:
“These are behaviors. Some happen automatically when I do not pay attention, and some I can choose when I do pay attention. And I am more than my behaviors.”
That shift from behavior to awareness is where genuine change begins.
A Client Story: When Worth Gets Attached to Behavior
I once worked with a client who said:
“I just cannot do it. I will never be consistent enough. If I do not clean, no one will ever want to be with me. I just cannot do it.”
As we slowed down, we discovered something important.
This was not about cleanliness and not about consistency.
It was about connection.
Somewhere along the way, cleaning had fused with worth.
Not being tidy meant being unlovable.
The cleaning task had become an impossible test of value.
When we stepped back and noticed the broader pattern, something softened. They had relationships in the past, and none of those relationships depended on spotless rooms.
We were not arguing with the thought.
We were observing it from a broader place.
Tears came when they realized:
“Those are behaviors, not me.”
Yes, they could tidy up more.
And tidying was not the barrier to connection.
Fusion was.
When they expanded their awareness to the whole picture of who they were, how they cared for their dogs, how they supported their siblings, how deeply they wanted to help others, and they began to see themselves with compassion.
This is the moment Self as Context emerges.
The story loosens, and belonging becomes possible again.
The Shame Lens: Why This Work Matters
Shame thrives on identification.
It says:
“You are your worst moment.”
“I failed and I am a failure.”
Self as Context offers a gentle uncoupling:
“Painful things have happened and you are more than those experiences. You are the one noticing them. And now you can respond.”
I often tell clients:
“You are not broken. You are the one noticing the pain.”
A deep understanding of this takes practice and repetition.
Over time, this is what belonging feels like.
Not the elimination of fear and the inclusion of awareness.
It is holding both with equal weight.
It is seeing yourself as greater than your behaviors.
And it is knowing that behaviors can change with compassion, consistency, time, and intention.
Techniques to Experience Self as Context
Experiencing self as context is one of the hardest ACT pillars to grasp, and here are the practices that help:
1. The Observer Exercise
Invite clients to notice:
“I am noticing the thought that this is silly.”
“I am noticing the thought that I am doing this wrong.”
Then ask:
“Who is the one noticing that thought?”
2. Perspective Taking
Recall a younger version of yourself.
Then ask:
“Can I notice that younger me from the awareness of present day me?”
This often brings a sense of relief.
3. Grounding in the Body
Awareness becomes real through:
feeling your feet on the floor
noticing your breath
sensing your body in space
4. Metacognition
Thinking about thinking is Self as Context.
It is awareness of awareness.
And as clinicians, the more we can stay grounded as the noticer, even when our own doubt shows up, the safer our clients feel.
Conclusion: In the Context of Making Mistakes
Maybe the question is not “Who am I?”
Maybe it is:
“What am I noticing?”
“Who is the one asking?”
For those living with social anxiety, shifting from being the story to noticing the story is often the doorway to recovery.
Belonging is not about eliminating fear in order to perform better.
It is about finding the awareness that holds fear with kindness and still moves toward connection.
The most important part is this:
It is okay to make mistakes.
Mistakes are behaviors.
They are content, not identity.
The Self did not fail. The behavior happened.
And if a behavior can happen, it can change.
That is the heart of Self as Context.
And that is why it matters for our clients, our work, and our own belonging.
If you’d like to learn more, my CEU is linked right here: Click Here